SUGGESTIONS FOR FIRST MEETING WITH YOUR DIVORCE ATTORNEY

If I were advising someone before their very first divorce attorney meeting, my goal would be to help them walk into the meeting prepared, informed, and emotionally steady—not overwhelmed. The better prepared they are, the more valuable (and cost-effective) that first consultation will be.

Here are the most important things I would tell them.

1. Don't Make Emotional Decisions Before You Know Your Legal Rights.

Many people leave the marital home, empty bank accounts, or make promises because they feel guilty or angry. Those decisions can have long-term consequences. Talk to your attorney before making major financial or parenting decisions.

2. Gather your financial documents.

Bring copies (or at least know where to find them) of:

• Tax returns (last 2-3 years)

• Pay stubs

• Bank statements

• Retirement accounts (401(k), IRA, pensions)

• Investment accounts

• Credit card statements

• Mortgage information

• Vehicle titles and loan balances

• Insurance policies

• Business records (if applicable)

• A list of monthly household expenses with statements, if possible

The more complete your information, the more accurate your attorney's advice will be.

3. Make a Complete List of Assets and Debts.

Include everything—not just what you think is "important."

Examples:

• Real estate

• Vehicles

• Children’s birth certificates

• Retirement accounts

• Any past legal actions or lawsuits for either party, include automobile accidents

• Furniture

• Jewelry

• Collectibles, antiques and artwork

• Businesses

• Cryptocurrency, internet accounts with login and password

• Frequent Flyer miles

• Loans owed to family or others

• Credit cards

• Student loans

4. Write Down The Timeline of Your Marriage.

Before the meeting, create a simple timeline, including:

• Date married

• Date separated (if applicable)

• Children born

• Major purchases

• Moves

• Job changes (both parties)

• Affairs (if legally relevant)

• Significant financial events

This helps your attorney understand your situation quickly. It’s important that your attorney knows everything – remember its all under “attorney-client privilege!”

5. Think About Your Goals—Not Just Your Frustrations.

Instead of focusing only on what your spouse has done wrong, ask yourself:

• Do I want to keep the house?
• Is keeping the house financially realistic?
• What parenting schedule would be best for the children?
• Do I want mediation?
• What matters most to me?

Knowing your priorities helps your attorney develop a strategy.

6. Don't Hide Information.

Tell your attorney everything—even the parts that make you uncomfortable.

• Affairs
• Hidden debts
• Spending
• Substance abuse
• Criminal history
• Mental health concerns
• Past arguments

7. Protect important records.

Make copies of:

• Birth certificates
• Passports
• Social Security cards
• Estate planning documents
• Prenuptial agreements
• Marriage certificate

Store them somewhere secure and untouchable by spouse.

8. Avoid social media.

Assume anything you post could end up in court.

Avoid posting:

• New relationships

• Vacations

• Purchases

• Complaints about your spouse

• Information about the case

• Photos that could be taken out of context

9. Don't rely on advice from friends.

Every divorce is different.

Well-meaning friends often say:

"You'll automatically get the house."

"He has to pay everything."

"She can't touch your retirement."

Those statements may be completely wrong depending on your state's laws and your specific circumstances.

10. Bring a list of questions.

Some good ones include:

• What should I do first?

• What should I avoid doing?

• How are assets and debts divided?

• What happens to retirement and investment accounts?

• What about the house?

• What should I expect regarding custody? Child support? Alimony?

• How long will this take?

• What are the likely costs?

• Should I move out?

• Should I change beneficiaries?

• How do I protect my credit?

11. If children are involved...

Focus on what is best for them—not on "winning." Courts are under a mandate to consider first “the best interests of the child(ren)”!

Judges appreciate parents who:

• Encourage healthy relationships with both parents (when safe)

• Keep children out of adult conflict

• Communicate respectfully

• Maintain routines

12. If You Own A Home...

Don't assume keeping the home is always the best option.

Ask yourself (you must be honest, this is an emotional issue for many people, especially if children are involved):

• Can I truly afford the mortgage, taxes, insurance, maintenance, and repairs on one income? Work out the “numbers” – cash flow everything out and let a trusted advisor review it

• Would selling allow me to start fresh with less financial stress?

• What is the home's current market value?

• What equity is available?

Many people become "house rich and cash poor" after divorce.

Since helping divorcing homeowners is one of your specialties as a real estate advisor, this is often where experienced real estate guidance can make a significant difference.

13. Stay organized.

I suggest that you create one folder (paper or digital) containing:

• Court documents

• Financial records

• Attorney correspondence

• Notes

• Receipts

• Deadlines

Good organization saves both time and legal fees.

14. Remember That Your Attorney Is Your Legal Advisor—Not Your Therapist.

Your attorney should absolutely understand your concerns, but every hour spent discussing emotional frustrations is billable time. Lean on trusted friends, family, a counselor/therapist, or a support group for emotional support, and use your attorney's time for legal strategy and decision-making.

A Final Thought

Divorce is one of life's biggest transitions. Preparation won't eliminate emotions, but it can reduce uncertainty and help you make more focused and thoughtful decisions, instead of reactive ones. Take your folder of documents along with your list of questions and a fresh pad of paper for taking notes.

The first meeting isn't about having every answer—it's about giving your attorney a clear picture of your situation so they can explain your options, protect your interests, and help you move forward with confidence.